Paying For An Audience Of One
by weekndinthecity
Summary: He changed his mind. He didn't want to forget about her at all.
1. Chapter 1

"Nine, ten, eleven... how much was it?"

"It's thirteen dollars and fifty cents."

"Ah, so I owe you another couple of dollars..." He searched through his wallet and then put his hands over his pockets, trying to feel for any loose change. "Um..." He glanced up at the cashier who was impatiently tapping on the counter, looking around the café as if she didn't realize that he didn't have enough money.

"Here, I got it." He heard a voice from behind him and he turned.

"Oh, uh... you really don't have to –"

"Don't worry, man. It's just a couple of bucks." The taller boy smiled at him.

After getting the receipt for his meal, he turned to the boy and chuckled nervously.

"Thanks. I was afraid that I would have to do the dishes back there or something..."

"Hey, don't stress about it." The boy picked up his coffee and grinned, wrapping his hand around the burning cup. "Mm, there's nothing like a warm cup of joe this late at night." He added, sarcastically. "I'm Jake." He said, holding his hand out.

"I'm Eli." He returned the handshake.

"So, did you get stood up tonight, Eli?" Jake joked, taking the first cautious sip of his drink.

"Something like that. My best friend was supposed to come hang out but he bailed at the last minute." Eli paused before continuing. "Do you go to Degrassi?" Jake swallowed the hot beverage before answering.

"I'm new. I've only been around for a few weeks but the kids tell me that The Dot is the place to be. I'm actually waiting for someone right now."

Eli wondered if this boy had heard any rumours about his accident, though he wasn't willing to bring it up and ruin a possible friendship; especially when he didn't have many left to risk losing.

"I'd better get out of your way then." Eli started fidgeting with the folded receipt that he was still holding. "I guess I'll see you at school on Monday. Thanks again for covering for me."

"Not a problem, man. Yeah, hopefully I'll see you at school." Jake replied, warmly. Eli waved and then walked out the glass doors of The Dot. He knew that Jake was probably a good guy but he also knew that he would eventually find out about what happened to him and like everyone else, he would turn against him. It was a fate that Eli had accepted with every new relationship that he made.

As he turned the corner after exiting The Dot, he bumped into someone.

"Oh, sorry about that –"

He recognized that voice instantly.

She stopped and stared at him for a second before smiling. "Eli!"

His heart sunk down into his stomach. What was with this night? First, Adam told him that he couldn't make it to hang out, after Eli had ordered their usual wings and fries for two and then he had to make some polite conversation with his ex-girlfriend?

"Hi." He said, hesitantly.

"How have you been doing?" She asked, trying to keep eye contact. He couldn't do it.

"I've been great. I actually have to go meet up with Adam right now, so..." He waited for her to say goodbye, hoping that they could both move on with their nights.

"I thought that Adam had to help Drew out with karate classes or something." He tried not to let out a big sigh. Was he ever going to get out of this conversation?

"Right, well, I need to get going either way." He said, bluntly. He could tell that she figured out what he was doing and while he felt a tiny bit terrible, he was mostly just glad that he might be able to make it home without any arguments.

"Okay." She paused for a second and looked towards The Dot and then back at Eli. "Um, for what it's worth... I'm glad that you're doing well."

He finally met with her eyes and he could tell that she was genuine about what she was saying.

"Thanks, Clare."

She smiled once more and then made her way past him and over to the café.

As soon as she was gone, another feeling of dread came over him. Clare had sounded an awful lot like she had moved on already.

Ironically, while he was trying to escape all of these people and move on with his life, it seemed like most of them had already done the same to him.


	2. Chapter 2

He stared at the ceiling above him, trying to get some sleep. He knew that it was a lost cause – how was he going to get some shut-eye when his mind was racing?

He rolled over to his side and reached for his phone from the cluttered desk. 2:08 in the morning.

If Clare had already moved on, then why shouldn't he? There was a girl in his drama class who kept trying to talk to him. Maybe that was something that he could work on. If Julia's accident had taught him anything at all, it was that some things needed to be let go.

The only problem was that every time he felt like he was moving on, something pulled him back. It was obvious that Clare had thought for quite some time, even during their relationship, that they needed to be apart – so why couldn't he accept it?

His meds probably weren't helping either. He didn't know whether or not whatever he was feeling was really him or if it had been lessened by the pills.

Eli jumped as his phone started ringing, startling him out of his thoughts. Who the hell was calling him at this time of night?

"Uh... hello?"

"Were you sleeping?"

"Fuck, Adam. No, but you scared the shit out of me. Is everything okay?"

"Sorry. Everything's fine. I'm just really bored. I went to Drew's karate class with him because his girlfriend couldn't make it."

"Oh, yeah, I know. I got your message. Is he pretty much over his fight club phase, then?"

"I hope so. Hey, do you want to hang out? I'm starving. My mom made us come home right away after his class and we have nothing good in the kitchen that'll take less than a minute to make."

Eli laughed. Adam had always been the laziest person that he knew.

"Sure, why not? I can't get to sleep anyway. I'll pick you up in ten minutes."

"Awesome. Thanks, man."

Eli finally got out of bed and grabbed his jacket. As he was about to head out the door, he almost forgot that he didn't have any money on him. He looked around the living room for any loose change and found a 20 dollar bill sitting on the counter.

"I promise I'll pay you back, mom and dad." He said quietly, trying not to make any sudden movements that would somehow let his parents know that he was leaving.

As soon as Eli pulled up to Adam's house, he saw him making his way to the car.

"You sure that you won't get in trouble for sneaking away tonight?" Eli smirked, gripping the wheel of his dad's car.

"Oh okay, mom. What about your parents?" Adam retorted. He was right. Eli's parents had kept a close eye on him ever since the accident and who could blame them? Their son had practically made a death wish that night. Eli counted his blessings when his dad even let him use his car, although he was technically supposed to ask for permission first.

"Yeah, well..." He said, starting the car up. "I need a little space. Besides, it's just you that I'm hanging out with. How much trouble could we really get into?" Adam laughed and nodded his head.

"We are pretty harmless."

He pulled into the parking lot of a 24 hour diner. As they got out of the car, he remembered something.

"Oh, by the way, I had to pay for our usual at the Dot because you bailed. You owe me like, six bucks."

"And you're going out for food again? So unhealthy, Eli." Adam shook his head, jokingly.

As soon as they were seated, he shifted nervously.

"What?" Eli asked.

"Nothing." He replied, obviously trying to brush it off. Eli looked around the restaurant.

"Oh." He finally said, after seeing Clare and the boy that he had met earlier sitting at a booth together. "Shit, dude. You wouldn't believe that I met that guy tonight at the Dot." He laughed to himself, trying to hide his disappointment. How could he not have put the pieces together? She definitely moved on and of course she did it with the friendly new guy.

"Yeah, that's Jake." Adam added. "He's a really nice guy..." Eli could tell what Adam was really saying. _Don't make this another Fitz situation._

Eli looked back over at the booth. It's not like he could have done anything, even if he wanted to.

"Fuck." He said, under his breath. He brought his hands up over his eyes and felt like escaping. Weren't Clare's parents strict about her staying out late anyway?

That's when it hit him. He didn't even know who she was living with anymore. He didn't know how the divorce turned out, who got custody of Clare, if her parents took turns, if she was moving and he just didn't know about it. He didn't know if this guy was just her friend or a rebound or if she actually did like him. The reason that she broke up with him was _because_ he was too protective.

He obviously wasn't on her mind anymore so why was she still on his?

"Adam!" She called out, later noticing that Eli was sitting across from him. She waved them both over to her booth. "I didn't expect to see you guys here. What's up?"

"Hey, good seeing you again." Jake said, smiling at both of the boys.

"Yeah, we got bored and hungry. What are you guys up to?" Eli asked, ignoring the nudge that Adam was giving him.

"We caught a late movie and then wanted to grab a bite to eat." She paused and then realized they were waiting for further explanation. "Jake's dad is good friends with my mom and I'm trying to show him around a little." Clare said, sticking her fork into her hash browns.

"Yeah, I met him at The Dot tonight." Eli replied, unable to read Clare's face. He was desperately searching for any kind of sign that would tell him that he wasn't the only one still lingering on old feelings.

"That's awesome. You guys should hang out sometime." She smiled, warmly.

"Sure. Well, I guess we'd better get going..." Eli turned to Adam, who looked disappointed.

"Didn't you guys just get here? Why don't you join us?" Jake said, motioning to the empty spots at their booth.

"Well..." Eli began, but Adam cut him off.

"Yes! I'm so hungry and I'm ready to steal your hash browns, Clare." She giggled and pushed her plate towards him. "You are actually the best friend ever. Sorry, Eli." He joked.

Eli laughed nervously. As Jake and Adam started to talk about his new experience at Degrassi, Clare looked down once again.

Okay, so Jake and Clare weren't together. It didn't mean that Clare hadn't moved on. It didn't mean that –

"Hey... I'm glad you're here."

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Clare, who was smiling back at him.

Maybe that was the sign.


	3. Chapter 3

Eli tip toed into his house, slowly closing the front door behind him. It started creaking a lot louder than he had expected and so he shut it quickly. He let out a big sigh and leaned against the door, standing in the darkness of his living room.

The night hadn't gone as badly as he had anticipated. After Adam and Eli ordered their own meals, the four teenagers continued to talk about whatever came to their minds. It was strangely comfortable.

Eli snuck into his room and back into his bed. He looked at his phone once more before setting it back onto the desk. 4:57 in the morning. He dozed off to sleep as quickly as he entered his room.

The rest of the weekend had gone smoothly. He finished his homework, he managed to get away with taking the car out and he replaced the 20 bucks that he took from his parents with money that Adam had owed him. Still, Monday morning came way too soon.

"Eli, wake up."

"Hmm?" He shuffled around under his blanket.

"Eli, come on." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. As soon as his vision cleared up, he saw his dad sitting on his bed.

"What's up, dad?"

"Did you take the car out this weekend?"

"Um..." A feeling of guilt came over Eli. "Yeah, I hung out with Adam on Friday night." He looked down at his fingers as he started to play with the ends of his blanket. He heard his dad let out a sigh.

"Look, kid. I know that we used to let you do whatever you wanted but things had to change after your accident. I told you that you could only use my car as long as you asked for permission because I knew how hard things had been on you but to hear that you snuck out anyway really puts a dent in my trust."

"I'm sorry. I just... miss the space, you know? I miss doing stuff that the old Eli would have done... obviously not counting the accident-related things." He looked up at his dad and gave him a small smile.

"Don't make a habit out of this. I need to know that you can ask me anything, okay?" Eli nodded his head. "By the way, you left your jacket in there." His dad threw the black sweater over to the desk beside Eli. "Such an amateur move." He joked, and then patted his son on the knee. "We'll leave for school in a half hour, okay?" Eli nodded once again, relieved that his dad wasn't too angry with him.

As soon as Eli was done with his breakfast, Bullfrog drove him to school. "Hey. Don't get into any trouble." He said, and Eli could tell that he was half serious.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that." He replied, shutting the car door behind him.

"Good. You took your meds, right?"

"Yes, I took them, dad." Eli replied, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

"Alright, smart ass. Learn something in there today." Bullfrog smiled and then drove away.

As he made his way up to his locker, he took a second to take in his surroundings. All these uniforms, all these new security rules – it had really been his fault. He had no problem letting everyone else blame Fitz but if Eli hadn't gone through with everything that he did, maybe none of this would have had to happen. Maybe he and Clare would still be together.

Although, Clare didn't even break up with him right away. She was still by his side... until he ruined everything.

"Whoa... deep in thought there?" He heard a voice coming from the other side of his locker door.

"Oh... sorry. Hey, Imogen." He said, looking over at her.

"And hello to you, Goldsworthy. How was your weekend?" Eli stopped gathering his books and looked up at Imogen for a moment. Maybe this was his shot to finally get over Clare, though he would feel terrible for stringing Imogen along... "Um, Eli?" She grinned, taking notice of his long glance.

"Sorry. Yeah, it was a good weekend." He said, and he meant it. It was one of the better ones that he had in the last little while.

"You say 'sorry' way too much these days." She said, leaning against the locker beside him. "Those meds must have really dulled you down because that's definitely not the Eli that I remember from last semester." Eli looked at her once more and furrowed his eyebrows at the statement. "Oh, stop it. I'm just an excellent observer." She smiled, which didn't make him feel any less uneasy, and walked away.

The school day passed by quickly and by lunch, he had finally found Adam.

"Dude, you have got to help me with this math homework." Eli put his backpack down on the table and looked at him sympathetically.

"Ah. Sorry, but math is definitely not my strength." He paused until an idea popped into his head. "Why don't you ask Clare?" Adam gave him a knowing look.

"Oh sure, why don't I just ask Clare and so that she can come help me with my homework and then you can all of a sudden pop up out of nowhere with some homework of your own?" Eli smirked.

"Okay, so you caught onto my plan. I need to talk to her, Adam. All of these thoughts are just... eating me alive. I need to let her know that I still care."

"Look, dude. That might not be the best idea. I hate to say it but she broke up with you for a reason. You were being super clingy and surprisingly, some girls don't like that." He said, sarcastically. "Maybe you should just let it be for a while."

"Wow, don't hold back." Eli replied, nervously. "I know that I fucked it up but what if there's the smallest chance that she's willing to hear me out? You even saw for yourself the other night that we're definitely on speaking terms. I just need to get it out." Adam sighed and looked at him with concern.

"I know that your medication is probably helping you deal with a lot of these feelings and I'm glad for that. Just don't get in too deep, okay?"

"What's with all of this talk about my meds today?" Eli suddenly asked. "Am I really so different when I'm on them?" Adam looked surprised.

"Uh, no... You're just a lot more subdued, that's all. It's not a bad thing." Eli sighed and looked down at Adam's homework, still untouched.

"Can you please just set something up? I don't want to scare her away or something if it's too soon for me to ask by myself." Adam stayed quiet for a few seconds before continuing.

"Fine, but I'm not going to let you get back into this if she doesn't feel the same way. I've got no idea what's going on with her in regards to your relationship but I'm telling you, there's a chance that you're in for a harsh truth, man."

Eli didn't care much about all of that. He just needed to tell Clare how he was feeling... but how was he going to if he didn't have the courage while he was on his meds? How was he going to show her that he was still the regular Eli?


	4. Chapter 4

"My house, tomorrow after school. You got your shot, Goldsworthy." Adam smirked, setting his book bag down. The library was buzzing with the conversations of students and the clicks of computer keyboards.

"Are you serious, dude?" Eli was surprised. He definitely wasn't as prepared as he had thought earlier.

Adam looked at him with wide eyes, as if he just read his mind.

"As if you haven't been reminding me for the entire week? Come on, man, you'll be fine. I told her that I needed help with math and I just happened to slip in the fact that you would be doing your homework at my house too." Eli stayed silent, considering all of the outcomes. Adam let out a big sigh. "You over analyze way too much, my friend. Just roll with it, okay? You'll find the courage to tell her what you want to say." He smiled and then opened up his textbook, presumably cramming for a test the next period.

Eli looked down at his notepad and turned to an empty page. He wasn't desperate enough to write out what he wanted to say, right? It wasn't quite that bad yet...

He grabbed the pen sitting out beside his backpack and tapped it against the table. Maybe he didn't have to write the whole thing out. That might be weird. Maybe he could just list the bullet points of what he wanted to say and then wing it. Then again, he didn't want to be too overwhelming. What if –

"Over analyzing..." Adam sung quietly, as he peered over at Eli once again. Eli couldn't help but laugh at that. He was definitely taking this too seriously. Just roll with it, right?

The next morning, he woke up to the smell of pancakes. As he dragged himself sleepily down the stairs, he was surprised to see his dad as the cook.

"What's the occasion?" Eli asked, grabbing a plate from the wooden cupboard.

"Oh, hey kiddo. I got some good news today." Bullfrog said, as he tossed a pancake onto his son's empty plate. "I might be landing a job at a radio station down in New York." His dad's small smile turned into a huge grin.

"Are you serious? Dad, that's... that's awesome." He said, nervously. He was obviously proud of his dad, but did this mean that they were moving?

"Okay, nothing's set in stone yet so don't start your worrying. _If_ I get the job, we'll figure out what we're going to do about the living situation. I know that moving in your last year and a half of high school is probably not ideal so we'll talk it out, _if _it happens." Eli smiled at his dad's attempt to stay underwhelmed.

"It'll probably happen." He replied, taking a small bite out of his syrup drenched pancakes. He looked up at his dad, who was grinning as he continued cooking. "How does mom feel about it?"

"Um, well..." Bullfrog stopped and gave his son a guilty look.

"Dad, you haven't told her yet?"

"Well, it's like, 8 in the morning. I'll tell her as soon as she gets out of her shower."

"You guys tell each other everything." Eli pondered, realizing that he needed to switch gears before he created any more problems. "Well, I expect a happy couple when I get back home from Adam's." Eli said, mockingly. His dad laughed and then rolled his eyes.

"You're doing homework over at Adam's?"

"Yeah, just right after school... if that's cool with you."

"Just be home in time for dinner. Can you walk or did you want a ride home?"

"Nah, I can walk." Eli finished up the last of his pancakes and put his plate in the sink. "I'm really happy for you." He smiled as his dad patted him on the back.

"Thanks, kid."

As soon as Eli was dressed and ready to go, he took a long look at the bottle of pills sitting on the kitchen counter. Bullfrog was getting his work things together and Eli was the only one in the room. He sighed and thought about the big day ahead of him. His hand picked the bottle up and then set it back down, only to do this three more times. Almost everyone that he had talked to said that he was too anxious on this new perscription. Maybe skipping a day wouldn't hurt.

"There's my baby boy!" He heard his mom say from the stairs, and he pushed the bottle beside the sink.

"Did dad talk to you?" Eli asked, not sure how to go about the topic. She looked confused and an alarm went off in his head. "I just thought that he mentioned that he would. I don't know." He tried to brush it off but she still looked a little suspicious.

"Eli, let's go!" He heard Bullfrog yell from the front door.

"Okay, buddy. I know that you guys have to get going but I was thinking that we should all go out for dinner tonight, if you're not busy. I feel like I've been missing out on everything lately."

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll see you tonight, mom." He smiled and then shut the front door behind him. "Bullfrog, you still haven't told her? This is big stuff." He asked, as he walked outside to find his dad starting up the car.

"I know, but it's going to take a real talk for me to break the news. It's not just something that I can slip into the conversation as I leave for work. I'll get to it before you come home." With that, they made their way to the school. "Have a good day, Eli." His dad smiled and then drove off to work, conveniently forgetting to ask if he took his pills, which made him feel a lot better about skipping them.

The rest of the day went by slowly. Eli felt a lot lighter without the medication and he felt like he could conquer anything.

As the end of the day rolled around, he finally found Adam putting his books away in his locker.

"Hey, you ready to go?" He asked, feeling a lot less anxious than usual.

"For sure, just give me a sec with all of these books..." He paused and looked at Eli. "Did you finally figure out what you're going to say to her?"

"Actually, I've still got no clue... but hopefully it'll be okay. I'm feeling better about it." He smiled at Adam, who looked impressed.

"Wow, good job, buddy. I knew that you could calm yourself down for this." He closed his locker and slung his book bag over his shoulder. "My mom's waiting in front of the school. I don't think we'll have to deal with Drew's shenanigans today either. He's on a date with Katie."

"Hey, are you still okay with the whole Katie thing?" Eli asked, hoping not to push the subject.

"Yeah, it's... whatever, her loss, right?" He replied, obviously putting on a strong front. Eli could tell that he didn't want to talk about it anymore so he left it alone.

After a lot of polite conversation with Adam's mom in the car, they finally reached his house. His mom answered her obnoxiously loud phone as soon as they pulled into the driveway. The two boys got out of the car and Adam opened up the house.

"Okay boys, I need to go back to work for a bit but I expect you to stay focused on your homework. Are we clear?" Eli nodded his head as Adam rolled his eyes and waved goodbye. "Oh, your other friend is here. Jeez, Adam, how many people did you invite?" His mom asked, walking back down to the driveway.

"Bye, Mrs. Torres." Clare said, sauntering up to the house. "Hey, guys. Sorry, I came pretty early."

"It's not like we were going to do much until you got here. Um..." Adam said, looking to Eli.

"Hey, Clare." It wasn't much but it was a start. She smiled back at both of them and put her bag down.

"Shall we get started?"

A little while later, Adam was starting to understand the things that Clare was teaching him.

"You are an actual life saver. I can't believe I didn't understand this stuff when I was in class." He said, scribbling away at his homework. She grinned as she got up and Adam stopped her abruptly. "What do you need?" He had been trying to figure out a way to get himself out of the room long enough for her and Eli to talk. He watched as she laughed nervously.

"I was going to go grab some snacks from the kitchen."

"I'll do it." He said, getting up immediately. "Sorry, I'm just really hyped on all of this new math... knowledge. Plus, you're a guest and all... kind of..." Adam sighed and walked out of the room, knowing that he was being ridiculous.

Clare laughed and sat back down across from Eli.

"What a weird kid." She glanced over at his homework. "Ouch, history. That must be some interesting homework." She joked. He looked up and smiled, telling himself that this was it.

"It's actually not too bad. You might even enjoy it next year, Edwards."

"That's doubtful. Just because I'm up to date with my facts doesn't mean I enjoy applying them to school work."

This was what he missed: the little joking around, the sometimes subtle flirting – none of that serious stuff that he brought on.

"Clare, I need to say something before I forget." Okay, so that was a bit of a fib. He wasn't about to just forget about this. She nodded her head but then stopped as she remembered something.

"Oh, I actually wanted to talk to you too." He sat up straight, not expecting to hear from her first.

"Okay, what is it?" The butterflies in his stomach had probably multiplied in the last five seconds.

"There's an almost-the-end-of-the-year party happening tomorrow night at Dave's house while his parents are away. Jake asked me to go with him as like... a thing."

And the butterflies were crushed by a huge anvil.

"A thing?" He asked, casually. Why was he trying to sound like he didn't care? The whole point of this setup was so that he could tell Clare how he really felt.

"Yeah... I was just kind of hoping that you would be okay with it." She said, slumping down in her chair. He looked right at her, noticing that she was probably as nervous as him... it just wasn't for the same reason.

"You don't need to ask for my permission, Clare. In fact, I'm glad that you're dating again." He let out a forced laugh, picking his pencil up again. As he started writing, he noticed that she was still looking at him.

"Okay. Thanks, I guess. You're obviously more than welcome to come. I know that Adam is so –"

"Wait, Adam's going? I thought that we had made plans for tomorrow night." Eli said, taking another small blow. Clare shrugged her shoulders and looked down the hallway to see if Adam was on his way back in. "Um," he said, beginning to gather his things, "I forgot that I made dinner plans with my parents tonight. I'll see you later and just tell Adam... what I just told you right now... yeah." He put his backpack on and left the house, ignoring the last thing that she said to him.

"But what did you want to tell me?"


End file.
